The Kitchen God's Wife explores the heritage of Pearl, a Chinese-American woman who has never really felt in touch with her family. When she is called home to San Francisco for an engagement party and a funeral, her aunt gives her an ultimatum, and then does the same with Pearl's mother Winnie, insisting that she tell Pearl about her troubled past. As Winnie reveals her life story, the two women become more deeply connected, reinforcing the novel's themes of cultural identity, family, and understanding.
The Kitchen God's Wife contains a number of themes evident in Tan's earlier novel The Joy Luck Club. A principal theme is the struggle of females in a patriarchal society. Guiyou Huang, says that "the novel zooms in on women's issues by exploring relationships with males ... while depicting an assiduous quest for a female divinity that represents the female subjectivity." Some critics, such as King-Kok Cheung, have criticised Tan for being so overtly feminist, describing her characterization of Asian men as one-sided and the "epitome of deception and cruelty". Additionally, Frank Chin has described the book's central image of the forgotten wife as invented by Tan, given that the kitchen god is a regional deity and not a major figure in Chinese mythology, and that the wife is not ignored, but honored by being depicted in images next to the kitchen god.
A second theme is the issues faced by immigrants and their children. Tan explores the additional strains placed on the relationship between an immigrant mother and an American-born daughter, and the consequences this has on how their lives develop.
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